I spent nearly a decade of my life as an ignorant, hate-filled person—I was a racist skinhead. During those years I committed crimes and espoused my racist views no matter how unwelcome they were. I got into fights and bullied people. I swore there was a Jewish conspiracy to destroy the white race, and denied that anything like the Holocaust ever happened. When I was persecuted for my beliefs, it made it easy for me to point a finger and say, “What I say is true! If it wasn’t, why would I elicit such reactions?”
A little over a decade ago, I was released from prison after serving a three year stint for my part in an armed robbery of a Jewish-owned store. Today I can proudly say that I’ve been a peace activist and agent of change for far longer than I was an ignorant racist. Upon my release from prison, I enrolled in a community college. Two years in a row, I went to a program called Student Awareness Day (SAD). There I listened to Holocaust survivors share their stories of survival and hope, and to liberators, those who liberated individuals imprisoned in concentration/death camps, speak of the horrors they encountered. It broke my heart as I heard them speak of the loss, torture, and abuse they faced—and there was a time when I denied it all. The shame and guilt I felt was beyond any I’d ever known.
After attending two SAD programs, I rounded up enough courage to approach one of my professors with my story. I was taking an honors course with him about the Holocaust. He also happened to be the contact person for the organization running the SAD programs. I set up a meeting to go to the organization’s office and spent three tear-filled hours recounting my life story and the terrible things I’d done and been a party to. When I finished, the three women—one a Holocaust survivor, one the daughter of a Holocaust survivor, and the other a woman who’s dedicated her life to Holocaust education and prejudice reduction—stood up and hugged me. They forgave me.
For the past seven years I’ve had the honor of working with the Holocaust Documentation and Education Center. Over that time, I’ve met dozens of Holocaust survivors, liberators, and others committed to ensuring that genocide like the Holocaust never happens again.
With each passing year I attend and participate in SAD programs, I share my life story, complete with misgivings, fear, the racism I once espoused, and my dedication to sharing a message of peace and hope now. Also with each program, I travel to the events with the fear that some of the survivors and liberators will not be in attendance. Over the course of the past seven years, I can’t count the number of survivors and liberators who have passed-on—individuals who are my heroes and inspiration. My friends who granted me the gift of forgiveness. Although death is a reality of life, it’s difficult knowing that these brave, resilient individuals are the last of their generation. They are the last with the ability to share their first-hand knowledge of the Holocaust. These brave human beings willing to recount the painful lessons of history have valuable lessons to teach us, lessons we must appreciate, lest we forget and repeat the mistakes of the past.
“I remember he asked his father, ‘Can this be true? This is the twentieth century, not the Middle Ages. Who would allow such crimes to be committed? How could the world remain silent?’ And now the boy is turning to me. ‘Tell me,’ he asks, ‘what have you done with my future, what have you done with your life?’ And I tell him that I have tried. That I have tried to keep memory alive, that I have tried to fight those who would forget. Because if we forget, we are guilty, we are accomplices” (Elie Wiesel, Night, p. 118).
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we all have to carry our cross, and in carrying it become lighter, clearer, and safer.
Angela bravo for your work, we are proud of you and gain strength form you, and glad to be your friend.
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Posted by tahir malik | December 12, 2011, 4:24 amTahir, my friend; thank you for your kindness and encouragement. I’m one of the lucky ones – I travelled a dark road but found the light at the end. I have the ability to take my negative experiences and turn them into positives. My inspiration’s foundation begins with individuals like yourself – people willing to forgive and light the way forward with hope and kindness.
Much love and respect to you!
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Posted by Angela King | December 12, 2011, 12:53 pmHi Angela! The power of forgiving ourselves is a gift, but it’s something hard to reach as well! That’s why you can consider yourself an hero, helping people you used to hate and teaching us all that life is too short to waste time hating each other! People like you make me believe in humanity!
Peace and love always!!
Best wishes from Brazil!!
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Posted by Carlos E. O. Ramalho | December 12, 2011, 7:55 pmCarlos, thank you so much for your kind words! As you said, forgiveness is a gift, but can also be hard to reach. Honestly, I find it much easier to forgive others and much harder to forgive myself. At the same time, I believe all things happen for a reason; if I wasn’t that hateful person of long ago, I wouldn’t be able to do what I can now. So now, I look toward the future with hope and am constantly inspired by the kindness and goodwill of individuals like yourself and others commited to putting the human back in humanity.
Obrigado meu irmão
em paz!
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Posted by Angela King | December 12, 2011, 8:42 pmAngela thank you for sharing your story so honestly and for the work you now do. I thought you might be interested in reading this account of forgiveness taken from a magazine i created called the aword.
In june 2008 i worked for a charity which promoted and supported the use of arts in prison and i created an arts magazine for prisoners and exprisoners which the first theme was on the art of forgiveness.
In the magazine we featured the story of Marian Partington whose sister lucy had been murdered by serial killers. Marian found herself drawn to working in the field of restorative justice. in Bristol prison she became involved in a project to raise victim awareness with staff and among some prisoners. This usually involved explaining her story, including her experiences of extremely destructive emotion, then listening to their stories and trying to help them open their hearts to themselves. There was a young man in prison for burglary. after hearing Marian he suddenly saw that his crimes had affected other’s lives. So he asked to be taken back to his flat where he showed police all the other items he’d stolen. He was driven around pointing out the houses he had burgled and asked the police to return the goods and express his apologies. Marian and this young man went on to correspond for 3 years and as a result he has written beautiful poems.
This is a letter he wrote to Marian ‘I’d never written a poem in my life before i met you, and the only way i can let go of the pain and express myself speak from the heart is poetry. I never knew lucy used to write poems. I would like to dedicate all my poems to Lucy because in a strange way if it wasn’t what happened to her we would never have met and i would still be in that dark lonely place. Every time i write or read one of my poems i will remember how you and lucy pulled me from the dark lonely pit which would have destroyed me. Thank you.
This is one of his poems
Time to heal
A time to heal, a time to dance and be free
Forgiveness for every soul we hold the key.
The sun dial and peace inside
We all need
Anger and resentments will never succeed
Solitude heights of the mountains
The loneliness of the desert
Time to reflect
Let all your pain go
As you bathe in the gracious blue fountains
The void within the soul
The gardens of peace we can feed
The lushes of yellow and green flowers
From seeds to beauty
We watch them grow
The sound of the rivers
Rushing waters to a steady flow
In all this beauty we will find
To hear the sweet songs
from the singing birds
The heart and soul becomes combined
The flowers, the roses row in row
We are no different
We are how they grow
The light the rain the sun
Is what they have
We have all this and more
So why be sad?
In her book Salvaging the Sacred Lucy my sister published by Quaker books, Marian quotes the Dalai Lama “I will learn to cherish beings of bad nature. And those pressed by strong sins and suffering as if i had found a precious treasure very difficult to find”
She goes on to say ‘I know Lucy would have understood their meaning “love thine enemy’ This path offers a way to break the cycle of violence and hatred, to find in danger the opportunity to change. To reach the experience of the deepest compassion
(empathy with suffering) and humility (from the latin word “humus” meaning ground or earth. The earth is common to all forms of life. It is that which connects us and feeds the following generations.
If you would like to read the rest of the magazine and hear some other inspiring accounts on the art of forgiveness in my magazine the Aword then go to http://www.charlieryder.co.uk/press/html
Thanks and lots of love to those who have the courage to share the gift of forgiveness and to those who are able to take that gift and change.
In Friendship
Charlie
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Posted by Charlie Ryder | December 23, 2011, 2:53 pm